7 Reasons To Not Date An Underwater Hockey Girl

1) Don’t date a hockey girl, if you are not okay with her short summer dress while she is covered with bruises. Chances are people in the subway give you looks as if you beat her up. This will not happen once. It will happen all summer long. Don’t even try to ask her to cover up. Every bruise tells a story, every scar has history. She doesn’t avoid the hard fight. She fights for herself and she is proud of it.

2) Don’t date a hockey girl, if you mind the smell of chlorine. She will smell like that when she comes home from practice. Her messy hair will smell like it when you wake up the next morning. Needless to say, your bathroom will smell like it as the bath tub, the hanger, and the floor are all covered with drying equipment. She doesn’t only have one bathing suit. She has hundreds. Because every team she plays on has its own team suits, every single one is of value to her.

3) Don’t date a hockey girl if you do not like her being sandwiched between two other guys. Theoretically, the sport is non-contact. Practically, it is co-ed and pretty intimate. It requires two guys to sandwich her in order to get the puck. The better she protects it, the more they will cuddle together while fighting to win the duel. She can kick like an alligator but chances are, her opponents will come back close. She doesn’t mind and will do whatever it takes to succeed.

4) Don’t date a hockey girl if you expect romantic travels. Wherever she travels, there will be a tournament to attend and a couch she was invited to stay on. She won’t pack her bikini and flies carry-on regardless of her fin size. Planning vacations with her needs to fit into a tight tournament schedule and half of the yearly vacation is already gone for Worlds or Europeans anyways.

5) Don’t date a hockey girl if you cannot stand endless hockey discussions. If she meets fellow hockeys, there is no other conversation topic. Before you know it, glasses and silverware serve as forwards and backs and a passionate strategy session is in full swing. People will jump up from the seats to demonstrate the most effective move or newest puck drill and convert the restaurant into a hockey stage. Don’t try to change topic. People will look at you like you are from mars.

6) Don’t date a hockey girl if you are looking for steadiness. She plays hockey because she was tired of swimming the same lane up and down. She loves the freedom of three dimensions and enjoys to explore any possible direction. If someone sets her a limit, she will joyfully prove him wrong. She doesn’t need oxygen to thrive and without a challenge, she will likely be bored.

7) Don’t date a hockey girl if you search for a nice escort. She will accompany you, but she will not make you shine. She speaks her own mind and is not afraid of disagreeing. She is strong and won’t share her dessert with you. She doesn’t mind finishing any other plate either. She can’t sit still and just smile for the occasion. She wants to be active and have a sense of purpose. She chose hockey regardless of what other people think of this sport and she will continue to do what she loves regardless of what you think of it.

Don’t fall in love with a hockey girl, unless you can keep up with her and cherish her for her strength! And don’t ever try to make her let go of hockey. Before you know it, she will let go of you.

Photo Credit: Herbert Frei, VDST (Verband Deutscher Sporttaucher, German Diving Association)